i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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