Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
