no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
