You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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