come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
