dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
