My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
