There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
