I wish I could punch you in the face.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
