My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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