xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize