if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
