He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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