Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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