I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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