Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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