Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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