no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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