i just made my gag reflex go away.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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