I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
