if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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