My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
