If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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