I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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