I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
