How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
