i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
