Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
