a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
