He is such a slut. More and more my type.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
