evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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