I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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