i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
