I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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