Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
