Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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