I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
