dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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