I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
