In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
