life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
