the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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