It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
