today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
