I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
