? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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