Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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