We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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