On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm at about main and main street
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
