Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
