I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sorry my hands just texted you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize