Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize