Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
