Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
