I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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