I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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