im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
