It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
