Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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