I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
try to milk me bitch
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