no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
