That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize