College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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