i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
