So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
