so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
