I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
