I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
