Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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