ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
