I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
