Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
