He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
