I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
