I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
