We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
