im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize