I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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