just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
