if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
