I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
whose parrot is this?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
