Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
