i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
