i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
