Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
