My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
