I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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