I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
