Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
