Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
