We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
