Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize