i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
