After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
