just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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