Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
