Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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