I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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