Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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