he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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