Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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