Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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