just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she peed on how many people?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am one with the molecules
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize